To sing is to live...

            I've got a lot of issues everyday. About what to eat...which clothes to wear..how to handle boredom...and what kind of animals except to sheeps I should count to make myself sleep at night. I fact, I get used to them that I sometimes can't distinguish which I do first and then next..and then last..But of course sleeping  is. But I 've got one big issue I can't..and don't think if I can handle..It's one thing I think every minute..with seconds as only intervals...Not that I count....But it's just my head and my heart is always preoccupied by it I don't even need a clock to count time...

            I want to sing. The neighborhood knows that. They hear it every single day. I am the village's radio, cd player.or whatever you want to call it. I do sing..Yuh..well, at least people say I do..Unfortunately I don't think I can. And "do" is far different from "can"..The bottom line is..yes, I sing..but it's not the kind of singing I want for myself. My instructor once said that I am too idealistic on many things. And I think singing is one of those many. It's just..I am not contented that I sing..or can sing..for I always feel the need to learn the real thing about it.

           Everytime I hear my favorite artists, how I wish I can sing like them. Hit high notes with no sweat...deal with low notes without sounding like a cow. But I can't and my greatest frustration is that I can't afford even the cheapest voice lesson in town. Let alone the credibility of the coaches. Now I am on my greatest trouble. I happened to see a legend on the net. It's Brett...Brett Manning..the person behind Hayley Williams' powerful voice and that of Taylor Swift. Hayley and Taylor..two of the greatest singers in Hollywood. Who would not be curious about this man? The thing is easy..If I really want it, then I should enroll at his studio and have him as my vocal coach..and this is disregarding the fact that 1.) I am miles away from where he is and 2.) I don't have a single cent to afford a flight..let alone the lessons and the cost of living there.

            Since I was young, I've dreamed of moving abroad. Living in US would be my grandest achievement if given fortune. But I never guessed I would be this frustrated facing the truth that I cannot do this today. At least it's "today" for there can be tomorrow and the day after that. I can work. I can save some earning for what I want. I know I can do it all...no mater how hard. Now I've came up with the final plan (or dream) : after graduation, I'm going to work in the country for a year; leave after to Singapore and work to save for another year and finally, move to Nashville, look for Brett, fulfill the purpose and go back here to where I come from..and start again.